02-26

hai neocities been a wihle so ya dario basicaly cheated on me LOL ihate him anyways i got out of shower i cut my thighs again ahahah bruh... ok that is all goodbye xD he said "i cant break up with her rn it would kill her" well he already killed me so

also i remmeber when i jokingly texted him something like "getting high fucking bitches?" like damn he really was doin just that !!! DAMNN!?? na jk I hope he wasnt actually going to her fucking house or hers to his so ufcking disgusting im sobbing as im typing this btw i want to DIE so bad made me lose love made me lose the will to live drained me so bad wasted my time wasted my energy how could you hurt me like that how could ylu do something so fucking isck how could you do that how can people do that why do people do that why why are you so fucked in the head what happened to you that made you turn out this way where did it go wrong anyways i want to die :) lelel

02-08

dbd still devil game. but. confession. i been playing it... oh this is sick..1011 at school bleh anatomy moovee orr dance wit me i said move or dance wit my get tipsyy

01-18

urgh i hate dbd

01-08

dario didtn come yesteryda kind of annoying its 3 am i really miss him i want to ask him so many thihgns

01-06

im so scared that dario is gonna randomly tell me hes moving but not to the old house. to another city,, kennedy i think it was? idk he hasnt been responding all day i just hope hes busy moving to the houssse!!!!! my brain is lieik thinking of the worst things rn idk i just miss him sm

01-03

woahhh heloo its 1 am ! it is now 2023 thats crazyyyy umm dario was with me for new years :3. crazy activties occured. tbhat is all. maybe i update later yawnnn. life is p ok rn i havent taken my meds in a while idk. shrug. ill update later probably we'll see. gonna play overwatch ors utmj. ooh i wanna make bad b eats on garage band lololol. we;ll see. 2023 goal is to make a rally bad song ebhhehe

12-29

dang its been four days oof,, everythings been p good i love dario misha pizza nd mair bear are awesome asctually misha bought me this adapter cable so i can use the earbuds dario got mme on my pc yayyyyyyy woohoo also i gave him 45 and he saidh ed buy elden ring with it . . woo also he toldm e abt monitor and chair he wanted and i wanna buy it for him so bad screaam i want to buy him the world.. ok thats it its 5 pm we were playng fortnite awhile ago he gifted me star power emote ;3 woo also omg boys planet starting soooooonnnnnnnnn okok also gio got eye surgery mhmhm UHmm thats all d updates i got

12-25

typing this again cuz i forgot to save oopssss.. i said something like..

i love dario so much i do i do i raelly do,, there have been bad moments but theyre always over tiny things and its my annoying brain overreacting. i love him a lot . so much

12-23

so colddd its 3 pm rn bored playing overwatch on pc and im on call wit hdario its p silent not much goingo kustebung to unrecovery rightn ow

12-22

slow day again.

2018 today pepper ran into the house lol i miss her.

12-21

? y was i being so dramaitc lol . i was like numb after he left for a bit but then i was normal ololol. its 1148 btw so sleepyyyy i wo,e up at 8 toko pill and then couldnt fall back asleep instantly n i kept waking up. yawnn..

maybe its the vyvanse. probably. but yea my days been goin p ok. dario is big help too. also i noticed that i can like rlly taste the mroning breath now. but thats only when i take the vyvanse? im insane idk. not much to sat today yawn maybe dario will come today not sure its ok if he doesnt

• 10:50

omg. i love dario so much. i love him so much i really do,.

12-20

today is ok kind of slowww

• 10:31

dario left i dont really feela nything right now i dont want to do anything

12-19

this morning is going well! its currently 12;21!! i took the pill at 750,, yesterday at 8,, but yesterday i felt super dead. last night wasnt good and i was exhausted still. but in the morning i was like so focused on putting my passwords into notion. i started the day with the intention of finishing up college applications and ended up on notion lol.

dario posted me on his story ;3 i think that is part of the reason i have sooo much energy rn like i feel good ! trying to fix up my room i want to move my bed again but i think ill just keep it the way it is. i asked dario what hed do and then i wnet 'dont tell me that its my room and oyu cant tell me waht to do' bc hed totally say something like that i thinkc uz hes done it before. with my posts lol. annoying. but na na not gonna be a little dramatic bitch n be upset baout it. im normal. now im gonna put on music and continue to organize shit in my room!

12-18

i dont feel good today

• 10:55

upset for no fucking reasonn im just amd im jsut annoyed i feel weird nothing feels righrt im scared i dont know why well i do know why . i mnow . augh auhg auhg . was hitting myself so hard last night. and i hit myself again and then ib decided to come onn here to write abt it. lmfoa . i hope this site lasts so i can come back and se ehow i fucking acted in like 5 years. see how bad i used to be. assuming i get better. i think ill defionitely be better inn 5 years. it would suck if im not.

dario and i are playing overwatch right now. i clearly have more energy than i did when we played fortnite earlier. im talking. i felt fine but now im upset again. its so stupid too. like im just upset. and then i start thinking about how he didnt post me on his story (very stupid I KNOW.) and it making me even more upset. and im thihking abotu all the other times i got upset,, which is making me more upset. so annoying. im doing this to myself. im the only one at fault. its all me . i know.

ill be normal soon i swear i will im gonna stop acting like a dumb little bitch

12-17

its 1205! i have a bobby pin in my mouth. i have a bobby pin because i chopped my hair and its so bad i have to pin it down. stole it from shells room lol. listening to earthmover,, its ok i might skip it ? not sure... ok ya i did im listeniung to everlong - foo fighters.

this is maris playlist! mari is a really good friend. i hope the best for both of us. and misha too. all three of us deserve to have good lives. especially those two.

dario sent me funny post on insta lel. put my note as: it is just a coincidence. i lvoe the notes update its so fun ppl r crazy lmfaooa. everlong is not good this song sucks, there was like 10 seconds left but i changed the song not lettin that hsit end lmfoaoa

i love duster i really do. inside out is a good song. i dont pay attention to the lyrics much just for unrecovery cuz thats the only song where ic an catually understand wtf is being said lol. but i dont really get any meaning from them. like personally,, the hwole art is subjective,, duster lyrics dont mean anything to me. i care mroe abotu the sound and how it makes me feel and the memories i have with them. i have a lot. i cant remeber them but ican feel them. i know theyre there. bad moments and okay ones. i remember dario on my bed while duster was playing. i cant remember what song but i know it happened.

ill update again soon. 1212

12-16

hello. its 430 friday last day now winter break woo, dario wanted to see me. i told him i wasnt in the mood but ill still send for him. and i did. i took quite a bit because i wanted to look good i wanted to look cute, but i dont think i need to do that anymore put effort i mean i dont want to call him shallow or anything but like in the end hes a guy and i have boobs and a vagina and thats enough

i asked if he wanted to see another and i didnt take long to snap another pic,. just quickly took one and sent, no need to stress over anything no need to be so fuckingi nsecure no need to worry about how weird it may look because all he needs to see are my boobs thats all

i wouldnt say im upset,, im kind of annoyed i guess,i am also tired like i feel like i did all of that for nothing , all the past pics ive sent him i spent time on them for nothing because all hes gonna zero in on are my boobs the angle doesnt matter the lighting doesnt matter it doesnt matter what you can and cant see in the background .

i mean if it does matter it really doesnt seem like it

today im just tired

• 9:22

lol not to be dramatic but yes im dramatic had anxiety attack now i think dario is upset i fele bad for chicken and idrk wat to say abt adassa. that is all.

12-15

short update i dont hate her im just being annoying its 11 am im so bored i wanna fie likee soo boring listening to music,, he hasnt texted me he didnt say gn i think which is like fine but ya ya and if hes in class rn he probs doing fonal and cant use his phone,, also my wifi is always so bad in this class and ima be here for another hour blehhh.bye

meds

ok gona try to update my meds on here so i started vyvanse 30 mg again i toook it at like 6 no food anyways med is probably why im so bored but actually idk that doesnt make sens idk I HAVE TO PISS SO BADDDD OMGOGMG

ok its 2 pm im home dario waited for me ;3 we saw each other for little bit i am v happy i miss him a lot anyways i think i upset him or idk maybei croseed boundary idk im so bad at communicating and being a normal ass preson but i asked a lot abt his mom n shit and belhhh maybe hes like not upset at all but idk i dont wana take any chances

12-14

hi short update today. ddidnt go to school didnt see dario we havent talked a lot today its alread y2 maybe hes sleeping rirght now idk i hate her so much thats it

update its 7 im so upset i want to die im not rven upset acutallyti m just fucking bored

12-12

Okay hello good morning its 6:58 im typing this on my phone on the bus its v difficult bc when i type my screen goes up past where im actually typing . . z anyways!!

dario was at my house yesterday for like t5 hours!! we didnt do too much tbh but like its totally fine because i genuinely s just want to be with him like he was sleeping on my bed and i was just lating there with him and i was really happy. we played a little bit of overwatch fortnite n apex but then after that i got kinda crazy ( i am horny teenager )

when he left,, i wasnt super upset. i missed him ofc but i was just so happy and full of positive emotions cuz he was with me. i was so scared tha t i was gonna feel like he abandoned me and i woulda been crying all night but like the day was so good it ended so well that there was no space for my brain to do its usual thing (UPSET FOR NO FAWKIN REASON) . im so happy. i hope i can see him today at school

update done but its only 7:02 am so i will probably have updates later ... hopefully i dont overthink a text of his but if i do then ill update her e oops... bai bai

12-11

good morning! its 11:56 so actually , ,good afternoon.. kind of,... yea...

i changed my start up page on firefox to be the text editor on here so that i can update wheneveri turn on my pc. i havent really been using my pc tho so like im not sure how helpful its gonna be. so far its been helpful bc i actually updating the day after the last entry! and not 11 months later!! yayy me,, anyways,, think i will attempt to update through out the day,, ill do a new div thingy for the time probably and ill put it on the right of d entry ig.

rn i am eaint hot chip wit chamoy. ofc. awesum breakfast. i hope dario can come today. also its about to be 12 pm!! theres not much to say cuz ive only been awake for an hour and ive rlyl been doing nothinggg sooo ya ya . this was just quick update. will be back later!!

• 1:25

omg think he is coming ! mami said he could.. like she jus said ok .. saurr.. yea.... my room is so nasty like its cleanish buyt its so messy have an ugly messed up cat tower and the walls r so dirty and omg i just looked up @ all the stickers on my cieling omg why why lmfaooa whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy omgogmogmg my room is so weird help i wish i was a aesthetic white tiktok girl ;(( wtf. also he was like.. let me find out whos taking me. erm... is ur moma not takin u,... alr................... im scared............ tummy hurt .. oofies..................................... should i reveal my neocities to him? lol. no ... must keep secret for now cuz ya cirnge. ok ill end it here update later!!

12-10

all i can say is oops

it's been 11 months since ive updated. im no longer a junior like i was when i first started. im a senior now and i graduate in like 6? months.

lot of shits changed.

i have a boyfriend now. his name is dario. hes really cute i really like him.

we've been dating since october 9,, got "engaged" nov 27.

today is december 10 and today he was going to come to my house. i was very excited i was so happy but hes not coming anymore he apparently had shit to do for his mom and now hes just not coming. im raelly upset realy fucing upset im so mad im so mad i want to die im so tired i dont want to be alive right now im so fucking upset because i was so so happy i thought i would see him today and im not going to and i want to fucking die i feel so betrayed but he didnt even do anything wrong it sall on me. th e way my fucking brain works is so stupid and annoying i want to die just because hes not coming.

he will probably come tomorrow and itll be great but right now today i feel like shit i wan tto die im so upset.

this has happened too many time swhere one small thing he did will make me want to die, im so tired of it i want it to stop but it wont stop

and i dont think misha wants me ranting in the gc anymore so i will just do it here now. make use of this blog that i fucking abandoned i cant keep shit i swear cause how the fuck did i only update twice?? and it wasnt even like the day after either i updated like a week after the first entry and now a whole ass 11 months dear god

mightve already started college by the next time i update this thing. right now my site is hungbin bc i really liked hanbin back then lolol. im not really into kpop right now anymore. havent been into anything for a while. i kind of have nothing going on for me other than dario.

somethings kind of wrong i think,, i dont want to say im depressed but its something like that. im kind of stuck right now dont really know what to do but also i dont' really want to do anything? i dont know its stupid,, i want to cut again i started a while after i met dario but like i last cut about 11 days ago. i really want to again i want to feel it i want to see the blood and clean it and i want to cut and feel the sting and i want to open the scabs and feel the raised scars and take cringe ass pictures

i txted dario asking if he was really going to come tomorrow and then i turned off my phone lol. i hope i turn it on and hes sent a lot of messages. i feel like there might be nothing becauase hes probably playing dbd right now,, i feel so neglected lol but its really not that serious i just need his attention so bad ineed him so so bad my entire identity revolves around him aright now i dont know why,, if he wasnt here im sure id be attached to someone else but not romantically,,

i dont raelly know what im saying im jus talking and writing radnom shit but actualy no one really reads this so? what hanbin stan is like searching up hungbin on neocities lets be fr... i wannt some cirnge ass aesthetic site namee lololol.. ill figure i t ou

awhh dario is alrd taken.. gonna searhc up the site see what it is hiodldupp AWHH wtf its not even made it s still on the welcome rthing.. ugh.. OH i just changed it to affliction.. goodbye hungbin ;( new me !!! i love affliction shirts i want some so bad i wanna look cool.. owning one wont make me look cool but like i just want shirts like that ykno.. also im done ranting abt dario soo... ill do quick life updte and just end it

im dating dario! im going to start counseling again,, school knows iwant to kill myself awhh.. kind of distant from my irls,, fave song monkeys gone to heaven,, i still like pink drinks,, dean baby will be 2 in like eight months,, fluffy and pearl are here and healthy,, lexis is awesome sophomore friend i love him ;3 hes gen like a little brother to me,, im doing okay in school i think,, i moved my desk so rn its my dresser,, then bed vertical,, then my desk on the wall my rooms clean right now i hid my razor in a bag my headphones are broken welito said hed give me 100 dollars for christmas papi said hed give me 100 next friday bc he gets paid,, shell said she wants to kill herself and my mom said we'd spend more time together,, thats it for now ill hopefully update tomorrow? not sure. its 9;55 pm btw. bye.

01-13

AYOOOOOO WTF just remembered this existed. .. . .. . days have passed bye Ateez go to the airport tomorrow apparently!??!??!?.. Tha concert actually happening... ok ok chill chill STAPPPPPPP!!!!!!!... 14 days til the Dallas date ok SLAYYY ! ! im glad da site works on d chromies yaass ! ! ! ! !

i said id update every day but as you can see. its been a few days. 7 to be exact.. i started school EWWWWWWWWW ykno wat no update like dat EFF DAT ! ! ! ! scrollin dru tha tok rn.. okok.. bored needa like add shit to the site cuz yawn.

rn im in dis class.. is two blocks long na.. we havent rlly done much so if i countinue to have this free time ima keep wokrng on d site lolololz... hungbin.. abt that hanbin debutation soon ehehhe.. havent been keeping up wit the group bc tbh i dont care tat muc and i dont spend my freetime like that. rn i just scroll thru tiktok and twt.. dont like even use my pc which is why i havent been updating anything lololz...

i hae a little counter thing on d bototm and it got 5 view.s. yo who lookin at ma shit byee ! ! idk what else to say tbh not much to say.. uhmm .. current fave song iss

idk ! ! listening to my liked songs rn tho

im gonn either start a new site or try to add more pages to this but like completely different from wat i have rn idk we'll see cuz tbh i kind of dont care rn.. ill add diff font cuz it still the ugly ass old one. baiii see u like next month LOL

01-06

yaawwnnnnnn where do i even begin.. well. it's abt 5:40 am. currently listening to: blackpink - whistle

a few minutes ago i was in the kitchen looking for snacks. i got chips.

anyways WAT I WAS GOING TO SAY IS

i was thinking about that old man counselor (faints) our sessions were so like not good literally nothing good came out of them

worst session was the one where he mfing made me roleplay ? and had me stare at his eyes like bro forcing me to look into your hag soul will not cure my supposed autism...

speaking of autism

he used d word aspergrtsersdd,,,, like dat not even wats used anymore shrug...

ok anyways

ig my goal for this lil blog diary thing is update daily? tbh i might just update like randomly through out the day d way i would on insta stories or twt..

i have a lot of random thoughts like all the time. always shit goin on in my head idek..

i might actually just eep the editor open? cuz im always thinking random shit and idk i wanna start trying to just write that shti down. Idk abt reading back but I just want to have it down . .

this code is so ugly btw omg ma eyes... ok anyways if i update thru out d day ill add lke little pic or border or some thing so the entries dont get mixed up.. Time to search DIVIDERS and WEBCORE on tumblr lol.

Now listening to: gwsn - like it hot

abt that..dis song is good..who the fuck is gwsn lol.. wjsn...lalallalike ithot.. damn im bored as fuck. ill watch ..................hm,,,,,,,,,, idkkk... my daily routine for d past few days is like this

• play commentary in the background. play minecraft.

i did that in a list but i did it on brackets and it like. not even a list. ill still keep it tho idgaf

boring ass song rn ( exo - wait ) . i forgot abt exo btw like?!?! whats going on with them.. k anyways i think instead of playing minecraft i miiiiighttt watch enhypen vids or continue that cute lil kdrama.. gona update in like 20 minutes probably LOL ok SIGNINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG OUTT ! ! !

watch this not even work >?? ? ?

ok ok quick update its 5:56 ok bye lol